My heart is a thousand years old.
“My heart is a thousand years old. I am not like other people.”
― Charles Bukowski
***** I am not like most people. I feel things too deeply. When I allow myself to love, I love deeply ... And when I hurt or let go...I do so just as deeply. I truly do not know how to love in halves. With me, the love, respect and care that I may allow myself to gift to someone is all or nothing, but it is never with half of my heart. And I only hope to receive the gifts of Love, Respect and Care from others in the same way as I gift them. I see love as something that roars or screams or bubbles over from us .... Or it may silently whisper from our hearts... But, a love that is truly felt, is always present and can never be diminished within it's purity. Sometimes, it is there and we may have to rearrange it to a different form or space within ... But, it remains. .... I don't play games with other's hearts and minds. I refuse to. ..... For those are not toys, but, something to be cherished and revered. Yet, I hold a hope that my heart and mind will be treated the same. .... I don't let drama or negativity into my life. I refuse to let it 'become' me and I can't allow it to invade my soul. I feel that once we let negativity change us to what we truly are not, it can be soul destroying and hard to heal from. My soul already has too many weak spots and places of healing to take on anyone's negativity. I must protect the places that were once broken or weak and that are now healed. .... Just because I may stay silent does not mean that I do not care or I am weak, insensitive or insecure. It does not mean that what may be important to another is meaningless to me. It means that my mind is full and my heart is overflowing and I am trying to make room for the new feelings and thoughts flowing within me. .... I am loyal and forgiving to the point of being hurt by people that I love until I just cannot absorb more and my heart starts to shut down in protection. It does not mean that I never cared for anyone ... It means that I cannot absorb more. ..... I don't trust people. I have been taught throughout my life that trust is so easily broken and I do not gift my trust to anyone readily or easily. A truly sad fact about me, is that once my trust has been broken, I do not offer it again as a 'whole' and it will never be the trust it once was ... No matter how I may wish it to return to as it had been. ..... I LOVE life. Life has not been easy. Life is never easy. It feels so hard some moments, but, Life IS our most precious gift. It can be so easy to forget what matters most and that Life is to be cherished. .... Each breath, each moment, each memory created is something to truly treasure. I refuse to let the negativity of any yesterday into my todays. I have to reach into the future with all of the positivity that I can and keep shedding the hurts and pains of yesterdays. ... Without truly healing, they will always be lurking and smothering. For to truly shed the pains from the past is to heal from within. .... A refusal to move forward into healing is an non acceptance of yourself and denies you in being who you are and are meant to be. ...... I cannot waste a moment or a breath with a worry of negativity .... For Life will certainly add its own worries and struggles and I choose to place my energy into what I can within my life to make life feel good again. I have learned that by embracing the hurt placed upon me and the darkness that lurks within is to heal. If we 'battle' the hurt and darkness inside of us, we can never truly combat it..... Every day is a chance for renewal. .... Every moment a chance for rebirth. That is an opportunity that I choose to not let waste or pass me by. Every moment that we waste with discourse or disrespect is truly, truly a waste. ... I am not like other people ... My heart is a thousand years old. .........
― Charles Bukowski
***** I am not like most people. I feel things too deeply. When I allow myself to love, I love deeply ... And when I hurt or let go...I do so just as deeply. I truly do not know how to love in halves. With me, the love, respect and care that I may allow myself to gift to someone is all or nothing, but it is never with half of my heart. And I only hope to receive the gifts of Love, Respect and Care from others in the same way as I gift them. I see love as something that roars or screams or bubbles over from us .... Or it may silently whisper from our hearts... But, a love that is truly felt, is always present and can never be diminished within it's purity. Sometimes, it is there and we may have to rearrange it to a different form or space within ... But, it remains. .... I don't play games with other's hearts and minds. I refuse to. ..... For those are not toys, but, something to be cherished and revered. Yet, I hold a hope that my heart and mind will be treated the same. .... I don't let drama or negativity into my life. I refuse to let it 'become' me and I can't allow it to invade my soul. I feel that once we let negativity change us to what we truly are not, it can be soul destroying and hard to heal from. My soul already has too many weak spots and places of healing to take on anyone's negativity. I must protect the places that were once broken or weak and that are now healed. .... Just because I may stay silent does not mean that I do not care or I am weak, insensitive or insecure. It does not mean that what may be important to another is meaningless to me. It means that my mind is full and my heart is overflowing and I am trying to make room for the new feelings and thoughts flowing within me. .... I am loyal and forgiving to the point of being hurt by people that I love until I just cannot absorb more and my heart starts to shut down in protection. It does not mean that I never cared for anyone ... It means that I cannot absorb more. ..... I don't trust people. I have been taught throughout my life that trust is so easily broken and I do not gift my trust to anyone readily or easily. A truly sad fact about me, is that once my trust has been broken, I do not offer it again as a 'whole' and it will never be the trust it once was ... No matter how I may wish it to return to as it had been. ..... I LOVE life. Life has not been easy. Life is never easy. It feels so hard some moments, but, Life IS our most precious gift. It can be so easy to forget what matters most and that Life is to be cherished. .... Each breath, each moment, each memory created is something to truly treasure. I refuse to let the negativity of any yesterday into my todays. I have to reach into the future with all of the positivity that I can and keep shedding the hurts and pains of yesterdays. ... Without truly healing, they will always be lurking and smothering. For to truly shed the pains from the past is to heal from within. .... A refusal to move forward into healing is an non acceptance of yourself and denies you in being who you are and are meant to be. ...... I cannot waste a moment or a breath with a worry of negativity .... For Life will certainly add its own worries and struggles and I choose to place my energy into what I can within my life to make life feel good again. I have learned that by embracing the hurt placed upon me and the darkness that lurks within is to heal. If we 'battle' the hurt and darkness inside of us, we can never truly combat it..... Every day is a chance for renewal. .... Every moment a chance for rebirth. That is an opportunity that I choose to not let waste or pass me by. Every moment that we waste with discourse or disrespect is truly, truly a waste. ... I am not like other people ... My heart is a thousand years old. .........
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